Here I sit. 11 PM, and I am considering this a late night. All because the last couple of days have been really taxing on my mind. And now, everything has finally come to meet here. I hate feeling like this. I hate the thought of what I may do next even more. With what feels like my mind has been torn to shreds, I am now just a broken man that can’t stand what his life has become.
I don’t necessarily want to die, but I do want to disappear. So I am struggling with the options of having myself committed, joining a monastary, or something else of this sort. I also think I am going to quit speaking. I really want to fade away into oblivion right now, and I can’t explain why.
I guess I am just tired of being sick and tired. I can’t take knowing that I am just letting everyone around me down. Not being productive enough to keep my life in a constant state of happiness is dragging me into this abyss… and for some reason all I feel like doing is closing my eyes and sinking.